i want to be...

the calm that comes
without the storm,
the calm that has been
all along, sat behind,
knowing this, like all things,
will pass,

and let me also be the ocean
he ran his fingers through,
the foam floating lightly 
above all the agitation,

until i again find myself full,
embodied, and i am the ocean after,
and also the ice
before the melt,

i want to be held a shell, whole in the hand,
whilst i am digging my toes in the sand
i will turn to, an autumn rose
in wanton bloom,
filled with the promise of tomorrow,
without knowing the price
is to be digested by worms,

i want to be porous and crumbly,
i want to be soft enough to allow roots to pass,
i want to be strong enough to be held,
i want to be brave enough to not fear the teeth,

i don't want to have to keep losing things
in order to find myself.

​by emma blas